One of those "Oy vey" kinda situations...

The day was Wednesday; the time was 20:30; the location, 91 Don Ramon de la Cruz that’s when it began. That was when one of the more awkward evenings of my stay here in Madrid (maybe even my life), began. It all started innocently enough, my friend Dan and I we’re supposed to meet Laura’s nephew Tito for dinner to discuss Boston. You see, Tito will be heading to Boston in May to study allergies at Brigham-Women’s Hospital in Beantown. Seeing as the door was open, at precisely 20:32 Tito walked in. Picture this, if you will: a thirty year old man who has the super receding hairline, a black t-shirt tucked into his jeans (on which he missed a belt loop, mind you) and a bit of a gut… Laura, at that point proceeded to give him a tour of the house since he hadn’t been over in quite some time.

By the time the tour was over Dan had arrived and the three of us sat down had some cerveza, olives, cheese, and membrillo and began to discuss Boston and medicine. Correction Dan, who is pre-med at Brown and originally from Boston, and Tito began to discuss Boston and medicine, I sat there and chimed in with the occasional comment but mostly with, what I think has become the most used word in my vocabulary, “sí”.

After about 15 minutes of this happy-fun-conversation-time, Laura joined us in the Living room so we could all chat it up. However as she entered the living room with a new bottle of beer, she let out a very loud fart (the second one this week in fact). I didn’t find out until after the fact, but Dan used basically all of the self-control he could muster to not burst into laughter.

There were many interesting details that arose during our little pre-dinner aperitif: for example, Laura’s first husband (that’s right, there’s more than just Mr. Coppolla. How many? Still couldn’t tell you…) He happened to be a man that is big in the Ortega Foundation which brought a big lawsuit against the International Institute (where we take our classes and of which Dan’s mother is the President of the Board and his father the corporate lawyer…). Needless to say I have some good investigative work ahead of me in my last 7 days in this household.

After we had our “copa” Tito took Dan and myself to meet up with some of his friends at a tapas bar about 10 minutes from here by car. What a cast of characters… Wow! We had: loser doctor friends x12, random semi-pretty-but-still-has-an-ugly-face girls, washed up ex-fútbolista, and a few more fine individuals… Anyway, do you remember junior high? You know when there was that one kid who wanted everyone to like him so much that he bought everyone things and they basically used him for all he was worth? You do? Great, ‘cuz that, my friends, is what Tito was to this group… The whole situation was just hilarious. Ex-fútbolista was a patient in the ER at the hospital where this less than Grey’s Anatomy quality group works… He woke up and saw the pretty doctor, got her number and now is trying with all his might and ever pound of moose in his hair to sleep with her…

Meanwhile Tito ordered morcilla, congealed pigs blood mixed with flour, onion, and hot pepper and forced Dan to eat it… Good times.

Now next we did something I’m not terribly proud of: we made up a story so we could get the hell out of there. So all of a sudden at 23:30 it became one of our friend’s birthdays, her 21st to be exact, and we just had to head over to meet her because in the US, 21 is a very big year, it’s the year where it’s legal to drink. So even though we’re in Spain we certainly had to celebrate…

Before we could escape Tito asked us both if we we’re single and Dan, who isn’t said “no”, and I am so I answered “sí…” Well then we were lucky enough to get introduced to Paula… Let’s set up the scene… Tito leads Dan and I over to a pillar in the bar and calls for Paula. Then this very large, quite unattractive woman gets up and introduces herself to us. At that point Dan leaves to go to the bathroom as Tito asks me: “¿Has probado un mujer Español?” (Have you tried a Spanish woman?) To which I answer:

“Todavia no…” (Not yet…) And then, and this is the icing on the cake, Paula says:

“Pues todavia tienes seis días.” (You still have six days.) At that point I laughed on the outside and screamed on the inside. Like a real loud blood curdling scream… Anyway Dan came back from the bathroom and we talk a little more but remember, it’s our friends very important 21st birthday so we had to leave… Just before we left Tito was trying to get us to commit to hanging out in the future, like you know, Sunday…

Anyway, we got out of there relatively unharmed and laughed and cried our way to meet up with some of our friends (none of whom were celebrating a 21st birthday…)

As I write this (well most of this…), I’m getting ready to head off to Bilbao and San Sebastian for a small “puente” before my (all the sarcasm I can muster after only 6 hours of sleep) super hard finals…

PS. Did I mention that I also found out that the bed in which I am sleeping is the bed where Laura and all of her 7 siblings were conceived? No? Well, yep… I had a feeling that was the case, but now I know… OY!